Microhard Mutilators

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Microhard Mutilators logo.png

The Microhard Mutilators are one of the teams in Mutant Football League. They are a parody of the Seattle Seahawks, with Microhard being a parody of the Microsoft Corporation, headquartered in the Seattle area. The roster consists of Skeletal Deadheads, Monster Orcs and BruiserBots. Their logo is the head of a dragon, shown in profile. Their stadium is Hard Crash Field situated in Microhard, Moshington and is a parody of CenturyLink Field.

One of the most talented teams in the league with a ferocious defense. The Mutilators are well financed corporate team, owned by Microhard. The have All-Star players on both sides of the ball, their All-Star QB, Hustle Killsome is the envy of the league. On defense they are led by their All-Star safety Hurl Vomit and the Sherminator, if he doesn't kill you with his hard hitting, he'll trash talk you to death. (Mutant Football League, Team Scouting)

Theme[edit | edit source]

Knuckleduster by Matthew Kurpakus

All-Stars[edit | edit source]

Mouthy Sherminator
#25 Cover back
Hurl Vomit
#29 Safety
Hustle Killsome
#3 Quarterback
Slobby Banger
#54 Line Basher
Manic Benditt
#72 Blitzer
Riff Anvil
#56 Blitzer
Thug Scaldem
#89 Wide reciever

OVERALL: 85

Offense: 82
Defense: 91
Special Teams: 83

Dirty Tricks[edit | edit source]

Offense:

Defense:

Player Stats[edit | edit source]

Offense:
Quarterbacks

Player Name Race Overall Throwing Velocity (TVC) Short Accuracy Throwing (SAC) Deep Accuracy Throwing (DAC) Throwing Power (THP) Intelligence (INT)
Hustle Killsome* Skeleton 90 78 100 91 92 100
Rocco Taco Skeleton 62 46 81 73 73 50
Cursty Junk Robot 56 56 71 50 62 55
Rustin Bravis Robot 60 60 75 63 66 53
Mega Max Orc 64 69 79 69 84 56

Running Backs

Player Name Race Overall Route Running (RTE) Break Tackles(BT) Hands/Ability to not Fumble (HND) Catching (CTH) Speed (SPD) Toughness (TGH)
Blitz Arson Robot 82 94 83 84 82 73 87
Vomit Mauls Orc 66 85 78 77 76 51 75
Steady Spacey Orc 56 57 63 79 73 47 78
B.J. Prostate Robot 58 69 57 68 79 64 59
Aton Toomanator Robot 60 67 79 54 77 43 83

Receivers

Player Name Race Overall Route Running (RTE) Catching (CTH) Vertical/Jumping (VER) Speed (SPD) Intelligence (INT)
Thug Scaldem* Skeleton 90 95 100 93 84 95
Maul Triggerman Robot 80 86 88 86 86 81
Banner Hellboy Skeleton 54 45 76 65 66 47
Cypher Rocket Robot 68 79 77 75 84 54
Kranky Rustix Robot 60 63 73 69 76 49
Massacara Scarboh Robot 52 48 76 50 57 52


Bruise Receivers

Player Name Race Overall Route Running (RTE) Catching (CTH) Vertical/Jumping (VER) Speed (SPD) Intelligence (INT)
Grimmy Slam Robot 85 100 98 49 46 86
Duke Chillsome Orc 60 56 77 50 48 47
Robb N. Relentless Skeleton 59 56 75 56 56 52
Sin N. Punishment Robot 65 64 79 47 44 57

Guards

Player Name Race Overall Pass Blocking (PBK) Run Blocking (RBK) Downfield Blocking (DBK) Intelligence (INT) Toughness (TGH)
Pure Jackal Orc 68 79 70 72 73 78
Rust'n Grit Orc 74 88 75 79 78 86
Insane Frown Robot 82 91 82 83 81 84
Slowday Kaboomshki Orc 48 47 57 48 49 73
Burbon Confetti Robot 68 75 51 78 78 84
Pork Glowsticky Orc 58 54 62 61 47 83

Defense:
Blitzers

Player Name Race Overall Block Shedding (BSH) Tackling (TAK) Hitting Power (POW) Pass Deflection (DEF) Toughness (TGH) Blitzing (BLZ)
Riff Anvil* Orc 94 100 100 94 94 87 100
Manic Benditt* Robot 95 100 100 96 94 97 100
Melded Triggerman Orc 82 100 97 79 65 79 100
Razor Groans Orc 69 72 61 73 66 74 84
Baron Bleed Robot 74 79 82 79 64 81 84
Wank Shark Orc 67 76 61 80 62 77 78

Enforcers

Player Name Race Overall Block Shedding (BSH) Tackling (TAK) Hitting Power (POW) Pass Deflection (DEF) Aggressiveness (AGR) Blitzing (BLZ)
DJ NIV Smash Orc 95 92 100 100 82 100 100
Choptimus Spine Robot 69 62 75 79 68 77 84
Black Moo Rising Skeleton 69 74 73 64 63 76 89
Chandler Mandhandler Orc 69 73 65 82 55 81 74

Cover Backs

Player Name Race Overall Man Coverage (MCV) Intelligence (INT) Tackling (TAK) Vertical/Jumping (VER) Speed (SPD) Pass Deflection (DEF)
Mouthy Sherminator* Skeleton 98 100 100 100 100 89 100
Shakill Griffon Robot 83 91 91 83 83 76 81
Rustin Moleman Skeleton 78 94 91 87 87 76 73
Debondere Helliot Skeleton 59 57 66 54 70 69 67
Chemically Insane Robot 63 67 61 63 71 66 63
Seako Warp Robot 56 57 50 66 64 65 52

Line Bashers

Player Name Race Overall Man Coverage (MCV) Block Shedding (BSH) Intelligence (INT) Tackling (TAK) Hitting Power (POW) Pass Deflection (DEF)
Psycho Killhoyt Orc 83 80 94 83 84 86 85
U.R. Fright Robot 86 100 100 90 88 79 81
Mucus Sith II Skeleton 70 68 92 63 79 64 79
Terror Harmin Robot 85 94 94 92 96 85 79
Slobby Banger* Robot 93 100 95 100 100 78 92
E.J. Malicezander Skeleton 70 78 90 64 73 61 73

Safeties

Player Name Race Overall Man Coverage (MCV) Intelligence (INT) Tackling (TAK) Vertical/Jumping (VER) Speed (SPD) Pass Deflection (DEF)
Hurl Vomit* Skeleton 96 100 100 100 94 84 100
Deadric Whompson Skeleton 60 70 60 67 59 70 71
Radley McDookie Robot 60 62 57 75 65 54 72
Wham NoChance Robot 79 91 89 89 80 74 84
Wretch Bloodboil Robot 55 63 50 67 51 54 54

Special Teams:
Kickers

Player Name Race Overall Onsides Kicking (OSK) Kicking Accuracy (KAC) Kicking Power (KPW)
Flair Harsh Robot 83 100 76 86

Punters

Player Name Race Overall Punting Accuracy (PAC) Punt Hangtime (HNG) Punting Power (PPW)
Bin Cry'n Skeleton 80 79 89 94

Burn Returners

Player Name Race Overall Break Tackles (BT) Catching (CTH) Speed (SPD) Hands/Ability to not Fumble (HND)
Hax Bonesaw Skeleton 85 86 88 91 92

Trivia[edit | edit source]

Player References

  • Bruise Receiver Sin N. Punishment is a reference to Sin and Punishment, a rail shooter and shooting gallery video game co-developed by Treasure and Nintendo released in Japan for the Nintendo 64. The game would receive a sequel released worldwide entitled Sin & Punishment: Star Successor, released worldwide in 2009.
  • Enforcer Choptimus Spine is a parody of Optimus Prime, the protagonist of the Transformers series.

Team Trivia

  • The team is a spiritual successor to the Slaycity Slayers from the original Mutant League Football.
  • The team is a reference to Mutilator, the final boss from the 1998 fighting game game, Bio F.R.E.A.K.S..
  • They and the Hexxon Oilers are a reference to the NHL's Anaheim Ducks, in which all three are corporation owned teams (Microhard Corpoation, Hexxon Oil Corporation and The Walt Disney Company).
    • Disney would own the team from 1993-2005 and would later sell the team in 2005 to Broadcom co-founder Henry Samueli, his spouse Susan, and current Calgary Flames president Brian Burke.

See also[edit | edit source]