Midway Mutants

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Midway Mutants logo.png

The Midway Mutants are one of the teams in Mutant Football League. They are a parody of the Chicago Bears. Their logo is an orange biohazard symbol on a dark blue background. Like the Burns, the roster consists of Skeletal Deadheads, Monster Orcs and Mutant-Humans. Their stadium is Mercenary Field situated in Chiraq, Killinois and is a parody of Soldier Field.

Having gone through 3 coaches and 39 offensive coordinators in the last 4 seasons, inept management and even more inept drafting has kept this once proud franchise in the cellars of the league. With a new #1 draft pick at Quarterback and All-Star running back Gorgon Powered, along with a young, hard hitting defense... the Midway Mutants have renewed hope to restore their long lost dominance in the league. (Mutant Football League, Team Scouting)

Theme[edit | edit source]

Demons at Church by Matthew Kurpakus

All-Star[edit | edit source]

Gorgon Powered
#24 Running back

OVERALL: 67

Offense: 67
Defense: 71
Special Teams: 62

Dirty Tricks[edit | edit source]

Offense:

Defense:

Player Stats[edit | edit source]

Offense:
Quarterbacks

Player Name Race Overall Throwing Velocity (TVC) Short Accuracy Throwing (SAC) Deep Accuracy Throwing (DAC) Throwing Power (THP) Intelligence (INT)
Mitch Legitsky Skeleton 72 80 93 79 79 66
Yikes Lemon Orc 50 49 67 57 68 50
Bark Buttfumble Human 62 50 73 64 73 65
Mendy Mayhem Skeleton 62 58 76 69 73 63
Wretched Gristle Orc 62 52 76 70 74 63

Running Backs

Player Name Race Overall Route Running (RTE) Break Tackles(BT) Hands/Ability to not Fumble (HND) Catching (CTH) Speed (SPD) Toughness (TGH)
Gorgon Powered* Skeleton 73 78 86 86 76 68 87
Twitchy Krumps Skeleton 70 83 75 75 75 68 83
Skriek Comet Skeleton 78 86 82 76 87 97 71
Henry Cuttingham Skeleton 56 57 66 68 79 58 65
Owen Deadwood Skeleton 65 76 73 79 79 49 79

Receivers

Player Name Race Overall Route Running (RTE) Catching (CTH) Vertical/Jumping (VER) Speed (SPD) Intelligence (INT)
Slameron Scarydeath Human 60 62 73 61 62 54
Heaven Smight Skeleton 60 56 75 77 73 48
Mosh Hellamy Skeleton 56 63 68 63 63 41
Carcass Beatsome Skeleton 58 42 78 76 80 50
Schmendle Fright Skeleton 68 74 76 73 74 67
Dante Sinman Skeleton 56 64 75 63 62 33

Bruise Receivers

Player Name Race Overall Route Running (RTE) Catching (CTH) Vertical/Jumping (VER) Speed (SPD) Intelligence (INT)
Zap Thriller Human 66 81 82 63 61 63
Ditkadonis Orc 68 45 85 46 47 46
Brodog JustnTime Orc 54 42 71 42 50 45
Radman ShaMean Human 68 87 83 70 65 55

Guards

Player Name Race Overall Pass Blocking (PBK) Run Blocking (RBK) Downfield Blocking (DBK) Intelligence (INT) Toughness (TGH)
Vyle Shlong Orc 74 79 85 75 82 78
Squash Sitton Orc 72 72 92 84 53 75
Grody Whitesnake Human 58 61 76 54 55 68
Scrotus Grossass Orc 46 52 51 46 42 57
Slobbie Massive Orc 60 78 65 61 43 72
Snarles Emo Orc 64 79 84 64 46 75

Defense:
Blitzers

Player Name Race Overall Block Shedding (BSH) Tackling (TAK) Hitting Power (POW) Pass Deflection (DEF) Toughness (TGH) Blitzing (BLZ)
Rich Urine Human 74 97 86 70 74 67 87
Skeggie Moldman Orc 69 70 81 79 46 86 88
I. Scream Bricks Orc 85 96 96 83 74 84 100
Oy Slobbertson-Hairless Skeleton 50 47 63 50 44 63 55
Rhomathon Blowhard Orc 52 34 50 47 42 52 100
Brawn Stankins Orc 59 49 63 74 47 81 70

Enforcers

Player Name Race Overall Block Shedding (BSH) Tackling (TAK) Hitting Power (POW) Pass Deflection (DEF) Aggressiveness (AGR) Blitzing (BLZ)
Cringe Bloodwretch Orc 59 45 50 84 38 81 75
Pies Brawnson Human 64 57 69 70 63 85 74
Noose Hangman Orc 60 61 47 86 33 84 78
Monietooth Human 68 83 77 61 69 66 85

Cover Backs

Player Name Race Overall Man Coverage (MCV) Intelligence (INT) Tackling (TAK) Vertical/Jumping (VER) Speed (SPD) Pass Deflection (DEF)
Prince I'ScareYoMomma Skeleton 73 84 69 78 85 80 72
Vyle Killer Skeleton 69 79 71 81 76 70 73
Lice Scaryman Skeleton 69 82 73 82 65 65 74
Mucus Hooter Skeleton 53 63 42 60 64 58 62
Raven LaStank Skeleton 53 43 43 43 52 54 55
Shreck Mantis Skeleton 59 63 53 63 72 63 68

Line Bashers

Player Name Race Overall Man Coverage (MCV) Block Shedding (BSH) Intelligence (INT) Tackling (TAK) Hitting Power (POW) Pass Deflection (DEF)
Violence McFearsom Orc 69 74 83 49 84 83 56
Zany Leviathan Skeleton 78 87 84 83 93 64 77
Chili Stung Skeleton 48 57 54 56 53 54 49
Impale Steemin Orc 66 76 64 58 83 73 64
Hick Killabrewski Human 59 66 58 59 74 62 54
Skynyrd Void Skeleton 62 74 66 52 71 57 64

Safeties

Player Name Race Overall Man Coverage (MCV) Intelligence (INT) Tackling (TAK) Vertical/Jumping (VER) Speed (SPD) Pass Deflection (DEF)
Steady Hacksome Skeleton 70 85 76 77 74 68 79
Eon Rush Skeleton 60 76 59 58 65 63 72
Stinkin Dumpins Orc 46 49 39 54 57 57 53
Cranium Vamoose Skeleton 75 99 74 80 74 66 81
Jude Rude Human 58 71 56 64 60 50 61

Special Teams:
Kickers

Player Name Race Overall Onsides Kicking (OSK) Kicking Accuracy (KAC) Kicking Power (KPW)
Goner Barf Skeleton 60 56 62 72

Punters

Player Name Race Overall Punting Accuracy (PAC) Punt Hangtime (HNG) Punting Power (PPW)
Splatt O'Dunno Skeleton 60 67 58 74

Burn Returners

Player Name Race Overall Break Tackles (BT) Catching (CTH) Speed (SPD) Hands/Ability to not Fumble (HND)
Shulk Brawndo Skeleton 65 48 86 75 72

Trivia[edit | edit source]

Player References

  • Quarterback Bark Buttfumble is a reference the infamous Butt Fumble play his real life counterpart, Mark Sanchez.
  • Quarterback Mendy Mayhem is a parody of creative director Michael Mendhiem.
  • Burn Returner Shulk Brawndo is a reference to the film Idiocracy and its popular advertising campaign revolving around the fictitious sports drink Brawndo, the "thirst mutilator".

Team Trivia

  • The team is a spiritual successor to the Midway Monsters from the original Mutant League Football.
  • Chiraq is a nickname given to Chicago due to it having more murders and violence than the Iraq War.
  • This is the only team that has one All-Star, despite the Burns team scouting report claiming that they have one.

See also[edit | edit source]