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— A man from prison just came onto the field!
— That's the ref, you idiot. Let's see what the penalty is.
~ Brickhead Mulligan and Grim Blitzrow

It may not look it, but the Mutant Football League does have some rules. If the players don't stick to the rules, the referee will call a penalty on the offending team.

NOTE: Should there be fewer yards left to a team than the penalty calls, the penalty is instead assessed as half the distance to the goal, though this is not mentioned in the in-game dialogue.

Attempted Homicide[edit | edit source]

Trying (and failing) to kill the target in a QB Sack Attack or Ref Attack results in a ten-yard penalty on the attacking team. In the case of a Ref Attack, this also means a bribed referee remains alive to affect the game.

Delay of Game[edit | edit source]

There is a play clock. If the offense fails to snap the ball before the play clock expires or the defense is not ready to oppose the offensive line in time, the offending team is penalized five yards for Delay of Game.

Encroachment[edit | edit source]

The defense cannot cross the line of scrimmage until the ball is snapped. If they violate this rule, they're assessed a five-yard penalty.

Illegal Kick[edit | edit source]

The kickoff must stay in bounds. If the kickoff crosses the sideline, the kicking team is penalized five yards and forced to rekick. Note that it is legal for the kickoff to go past the end zone, in which case it is ruled a touchback.

An onside kick must travel a minimum of ten yards. If any player touches the ball before it travels that far, the referee will also call an Illegal Kick penalty and force a rekick.

In the event of two Illegal Kick penalties in a row, the referee will place the ball on the 35 yard line with no chance of a third attempt to kick the ball.

Pass Interference[edit | edit source]

The defense must allow receivers a chance to get into position to receive the ball. The defense can position themselves around a receiver, but they cannot push against or otherwise block the receiver. If they do, the defense is called a 15-yard penalty for Pass Interference. Note that once the receiver makes contact with the ball, it becomes legal to block or otherwise hit the receiver in an attempt to knock the ball loose and break up the play.

Unnecessary Cowardice[edit | edit source]

If faced with defensive Dirty Tricks that threaten him, the quarterback must still make some kind of attempt at a play. Throwing the ball away in the threat of a Dirty Trick penalizes the offense 15 yards and forces them to replay the down.

Unnecessary Manslaughter[edit | edit source]

It is only legal to kill players during the play, and only if the attack was made by or on the ballcarrier. If a player is killed outside these circumstances, the referee can call a 15-yard penalty for Unnecessary Manslaughter. However, he is prone to ignoring late kills and not calling any penalties. The risk of this penalty is always there for late hit kills and for kills as a result of certain Dirty Tricks such as Bombs Away. The penalty is always called for a successful QB Sack Attack or Ref Attack (in the latter case, it is termed Unnecessary Refslaughter) unless the attacking team has bribed the referee (only possible in a QB Sack Attack).

Bogus Penalties[edit | edit source]

If the referee has been bribed, then he may call a bogus ten-yard penalty on the other team to negate game-significant plays (scores, big gains, turnovers, etc.). These penalties will have nothing to do with actual gameplay and are one of the surest signs a referee has been bribed and needs to be dealt with (such as by counter-bribing or by killing him in a Ref Attack).

  • Calling Martin Scorsese Overrated
  • Coach Wearing a Pink Thong
  • Daydreaming
  • Excessive Crotch Scratching
  • Excessive Farting
  • Forgetting the Pythagorean Theorem
  • Insisting Rush is Better than Led Zepplin
  • Liking the Ending of Game of Bones
  • Looking at the Referee Like a Cartoon Ham Steak
  • Making Everyone Listen to Phish Bootlegs
  • Not Agreeing with the Referee's Political Viewpoint
  • Not Being Potty Trained
  • Not Feeling It
  • Not Partying Hard Enough
  • Not Playing with Enough Emotion
  • Not Providing the Referee Drugs to Deal With his Crushing, Soulless, and Unfair Life
  • Pointless, Incoherent Comments During Press Conferences
  • Playing Under the Influence
  • Premature Decapitation
  • Something the Ref Will Come Up With Later (due to a bet he has with the other Refs on who can call the most penalties in the game)
  • Stroking the Ball Lovingly
  • Talking About the Referee Behind His Back
  • Throwing Boogers
  • Whining to the Officials

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